On introspection

My series of introspection on myself to better understand myself. I believe that most people try best to understand outwardly and yet have no idea of who they are. Those who win wars and conflicts are most likely to be the slaves of their own demons. Those who shine brightest are the most timid inside of their own souls, sitting and moping in the corner of a dark, damp and clandestine room.

Stars (M. C. Escher)

It is just plainly strange to look into oneself. Everything that seems so automatic has all the motives behind it.

I cannot read well these days. I try to focus but something seems not to be quite right. I know that there has to be some simple explanation behind it. But it is just interesting to look into myself and see what is happening to me.

Sadness, madness and all sorts of emotions are quite interesting when you pause for a while and scrutinize those. Are we just accepting emotions as they are or are we just too weak to take a control of them? I think sometimes, we just flail our hands in hopelessness and not doing anything about them.

Psychological matters are yet another matter to introspect. We need someone to delve deep into our subconscious minds since we tend to erect barriers and build fortresses around our “personality” to justify ourselves. But what is the difference if others try to “look into” us? Will they have a better map? No, they never will. If we cannot map ourselves, there is no one out there who can help us. Each person has his own fortress which will recursively rectify all his actions. It is hard to explain or articulate those thoughts but you will understand what I want to say here.